Forgive me all but I must confess....I am a hoarder.
Maybe I'm not on the verge of those crazy ass people you see on Hoarders but I am somewhat of a Hoarder. So much so that on a trip to Target my friend caught me flipping through a People magazine with J-Lo on the cover. She snapped it out of my hand, "Hey hey no!! You are not going to buy this. I'm pretty sure you still have the issue when she was Bennifer." We busted out laughing.
She laughed and said, "Girl you know it's true, you are a hoarder." I gasped. "How dare you!!" But sadly yes I am a bit of a hoarder.
It bothered me for a few days. I looked at the clutter in my room and began to get disgusted with it. Clothes and clothes and shoes upon shoes. Articles,memories, you name it, my entire life lay strewn across this small room. Sure enough little by little I have been eradicating things from my room. Sometimes I think it is going to take forever, that it will not get done.
I seriously think hoarding is a coping mechanism. Maybe subconsciously I have held onto things because so many things were not in my control, maybe because I have a hard time letting go of relationships, maybe because there is such an emptiness in me I feel the need to feel up my room, my calendar, etc. with all sorts of things.
It kind of made me sad. Did I really need all of these things, these pictures, these memories? It kind of made me angry at myself. So I'm making it my mission to rid myself of things I don't need. It's actually freeing. I feel like I'm getting rid of years of things that I don't need. I feel open and free for future opportunities. Feels good to let go of things, not just material things.
To all my hoarders, you're not alone. Free yourself!! It's possible
Monday, September 26, 2011
Do you!!
I don't know about you girls but I have always been the type of girl who wants to please everyone? I know some of you are out there. I don't mean to burst your bubble but that will almost never happen. We often times please everyone but ourselves. I am the type of person that ok maybe over commits. I live my life like I am Super Woman.
Unfortunately short of the actual costume I have no super hero powers. I cannot be in two places at once no matter how I promise people I can. I am one person and can only do so much. This recently came to mind during a woman's confernce. Almost all the women there were confessing that they wished they had more time. They wished they could manage their time better, that they didn't take on so much. A bell was going off in my head.
I was like ME TOO!!! I couldn't help but nod in agreement. Here I was seated in a room with so many educated Latinas, some with such extradordinary careers and marriages and children. The majority of us could rule the world if we put our minds to it. I didn't know where they found the time to do what they did. I thought to myself man why do we women always try to please everyone. When do we learn to live for us, to take time for us?
Do we feel selfish for being about ourselves? In my own instance I know I have felt selfish for asking for me time. I have felt that putting family, friends and relationships on the back burner often makes me feel kind of guilty. But why should it? If I never do what I want to do how happy will I be?
I have spent a large portion of my life trying to make everyone happy. I have spent time comparing myself to others and trying to fit in this little box everyone tries to put me in. And who did I please?? I can say it was never myself.
I started a campaign for myself last year. I decided to live fully and fearlessly. I decided to, JUST DO ME!!! I am doing what I want to do and am I happy. I can say heck yes.
I was tired of asking for people's input and listening to what they thought I should do. It gets rather annoying when people expect so much of you when perhaps you are happy. I am sick of people asking me why I'm not in grad school, or when I am going to be in grad school? News flash it's not going to get me in tomorrow. Thanks for the pressure.
I am tired of people telling me it's ok to be single. Uh, yea thanks but I kind of already knew that. I don't need a pat on the had like a puppy. I'm tired of people getting pissed off because I'm busy. I'm busy living not watching others live.
If you get tired of people ragging on you for all the things you are not doing or are doing or what you don't do enough of, today could be your day, your day where you say I AM DOING ME!!! Pull out a piece of paper and write what you want to do, what do you want? Then plaster that piece of paper somewhere you are going to see it. and DO IT!!! DO YOU!!!
While I don't think people mean bad when they give me criticism I just think that maybe sometimes we are more concerned with other people's lives than what we want to happen in our own. I'm still working on my overcommitment issues. I am prioritizing better and I only commit to what I know I can do. I think I've learned my lesson in doing too much. I want to be true to myself and live a happy and full life. Life is a journey, the cool thing is, THE JOURNEY ISN'T ANYONE'S BUT YOURS!!!
Maybe today is the day for you, the day to just DO YOU!! And if so I raise my glass to you!! Cheers!!
Unfortunately short of the actual costume I have no super hero powers. I cannot be in two places at once no matter how I promise people I can. I am one person and can only do so much. This recently came to mind during a woman's confernce. Almost all the women there were confessing that they wished they had more time. They wished they could manage their time better, that they didn't take on so much. A bell was going off in my head.
I was like ME TOO!!! I couldn't help but nod in agreement. Here I was seated in a room with so many educated Latinas, some with such extradordinary careers and marriages and children. The majority of us could rule the world if we put our minds to it. I didn't know where they found the time to do what they did. I thought to myself man why do we women always try to please everyone. When do we learn to live for us, to take time for us?
Do we feel selfish for being about ourselves? In my own instance I know I have felt selfish for asking for me time. I have felt that putting family, friends and relationships on the back burner often makes me feel kind of guilty. But why should it? If I never do what I want to do how happy will I be?
I have spent a large portion of my life trying to make everyone happy. I have spent time comparing myself to others and trying to fit in this little box everyone tries to put me in. And who did I please?? I can say it was never myself.
I started a campaign for myself last year. I decided to live fully and fearlessly. I decided to, JUST DO ME!!! I am doing what I want to do and am I happy. I can say heck yes.
I was tired of asking for people's input and listening to what they thought I should do. It gets rather annoying when people expect so much of you when perhaps you are happy. I am sick of people asking me why I'm not in grad school, or when I am going to be in grad school? News flash it's not going to get me in tomorrow. Thanks for the pressure.
I am tired of people telling me it's ok to be single. Uh, yea thanks but I kind of already knew that. I don't need a pat on the had like a puppy. I'm tired of people getting pissed off because I'm busy. I'm busy living not watching others live.
If you get tired of people ragging on you for all the things you are not doing or are doing or what you don't do enough of, today could be your day, your day where you say I AM DOING ME!!! Pull out a piece of paper and write what you want to do, what do you want? Then plaster that piece of paper somewhere you are going to see it. and DO IT!!! DO YOU!!!
While I don't think people mean bad when they give me criticism I just think that maybe sometimes we are more concerned with other people's lives than what we want to happen in our own. I'm still working on my overcommitment issues. I am prioritizing better and I only commit to what I know I can do. I think I've learned my lesson in doing too much. I want to be true to myself and live a happy and full life. Life is a journey, the cool thing is, THE JOURNEY ISN'T ANYONE'S BUT YOURS!!!
Maybe today is the day for you, the day to just DO YOU!! And if so I raise my glass to you!! Cheers!!
Learning to live again.
I took my goddaughter and my best friend out to dinner this past weekend. My goddaughter only three years old, threw her arms around me in a warm embrace followed by a huge kiss on the cheek as she said, "thank you nina, you the best nina ever, I love you." Now I didn't do much. However, in her little eyes I made her day. I didn't have to say anything but she appreciated my genorosity. She, a small child understands reciprocity, gratitude, true love and the meaning of life.
To the average joe what my goddaughter did is just a child being sweet no big feat. However, to me it is the way life should be. You see in her actions and her small words I have learned the meaning of life; through my goddaughter I have learned to live again. There was a good portion of my life I spend in hatred, in depression, in broken pieces. I could not see past what I was feeling. I could not get my head out of my ass and see the beautiful life that was right in front of my face.
I had become a bitter, ugly person. All the pain and suffering in my life, my story I let eat at me. I didn't want to confront my past at all. I did not want nor know how to take accountability for the pain I was enduring. I smiled on the outside but on the inside I was constantly in misery. I seriously drank to drown the pain but like the famous Frida saying goes, "the damned pain learned how to swim." I lived life half heartedly.
My goddaughter was born when I was 24 and I must say that as she grows so do I continue to grow with her. I thought that I was grown and mature. I thought that I had life all figured out. But it has taken me a good while to realize I was not living.
My goddaughter is amazing. She is the most fearless person I know. She is so trusting and so confident. The beauty of the innocence of a child. She may not understand what I'm going through but whenever I'm sad she comes to me and holds my hand. I could be faking a smile but never with her. She will always ask what's wrong. Sometimes she doesn't say anything she just gives me a hug.
She doesn't judge, she doesn't talk behind my back, she doesn't make decisions for me. She just knows that I am her nina and that I love her and she can count on me.
That is a huge deal to me. While she is not my child I am accountable to her. We have a special bond. I saw and I see in her the meaning of life. Life is there for you to live it. There are going to be trials and tribulations but you will make it. What you put out you get back. If you just smile and live life fearlessly you will enjoy it 1000 times more.
It's amazing what kids can teach you. Spend time with a child not only do they benefit but so will you. Don't be afraid of life, don't let life live you. I wish that I could be as good of a person as my goddaughter. She loves everyone, she's forgiving, she shares, she's open to everyone and every experience. I may not be as innocent as a child but I can live with their philosophy, just live. Learn from a child and you will truly live again.
To the average joe what my goddaughter did is just a child being sweet no big feat. However, to me it is the way life should be. You see in her actions and her small words I have learned the meaning of life; through my goddaughter I have learned to live again. There was a good portion of my life I spend in hatred, in depression, in broken pieces. I could not see past what I was feeling. I could not get my head out of my ass and see the beautiful life that was right in front of my face.
I had become a bitter, ugly person. All the pain and suffering in my life, my story I let eat at me. I didn't want to confront my past at all. I did not want nor know how to take accountability for the pain I was enduring. I smiled on the outside but on the inside I was constantly in misery. I seriously drank to drown the pain but like the famous Frida saying goes, "the damned pain learned how to swim." I lived life half heartedly.
My goddaughter was born when I was 24 and I must say that as she grows so do I continue to grow with her. I thought that I was grown and mature. I thought that I had life all figured out. But it has taken me a good while to realize I was not living.
My goddaughter is amazing. She is the most fearless person I know. She is so trusting and so confident. The beauty of the innocence of a child. She may not understand what I'm going through but whenever I'm sad she comes to me and holds my hand. I could be faking a smile but never with her. She will always ask what's wrong. Sometimes she doesn't say anything she just gives me a hug.
She doesn't judge, she doesn't talk behind my back, she doesn't make decisions for me. She just knows that I am her nina and that I love her and she can count on me.
That is a huge deal to me. While she is not my child I am accountable to her. We have a special bond. I saw and I see in her the meaning of life. Life is there for you to live it. There are going to be trials and tribulations but you will make it. What you put out you get back. If you just smile and live life fearlessly you will enjoy it 1000 times more.
It's amazing what kids can teach you. Spend time with a child not only do they benefit but so will you. Don't be afraid of life, don't let life live you. I wish that I could be as good of a person as my goddaughter. She loves everyone, she's forgiving, she shares, she's open to everyone and every experience. I may not be as innocent as a child but I can live with their philosophy, just live. Learn from a child and you will truly live again.
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