Fat Girl Slim (part 1)

My entire life as far as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. I have battled my addiction to food. This isn’t an uncommon story. This is my story, Fat Girl Slim.

One of the first times I remember being called fat was in kindergarten. I was taller than all of the other kids. I was the big kid. I turned around and I socked that kid. I vowed to never let anyone ever call me fat again.

The next time I remember being called fat was by my volleyball coach. I was actually starting to get fit, starting to lose weight. I worked hard. I really loved volleyball and basketball. I know I wasn’t as great as some of my amazing team mates but I found something about fitness I loved.

I remember him telling one of my guy friends that he shouldn’t like me or talk to me because I was fat. In fact he even told my friend I wouldn’t make varsity because I was fat. Sure enough I didn’t make varsity. I kind of gave up on sports after that. I quit. When I started high school I wanted to try out for the volleyball team. I watched one of the practices and saw the girls in their little shorts and I convinced myself my “fat lard ass” was never good enough to compete. So I didn’t even try out. I didn’t try. My volleyball career ended before high school. That is something I really regret.

I stopped being active. I stopped taking care of myself. I told myself I was fat and it didn’t matter. Oh well, I had a pretty face…at least that was the comforting lie I told myself. I didn't look in mirrors. I learned to make fat jokes before anyone could dare tell me I was fat. On the outside I became strong and confident. On the inside I was comparing myself to all my friends wishing I could wear the clothes they wore. I had a lot of guy friends but none of them wanted to date me.

I have hated myself since I was five. That's something I've never ever really shared. You don't go around telling people, "Hey, hey friend. Did you know I hate myself. Yea, true story." Even now I have a hard time admitting that I am an emotional wreck. I am the least confident person you could know. I suffer from severe self esteem issues.

This isn't an uncommon story; people plagued with emotional baggage and body image issues. It is very common. This isn't a story to gain sympathy or acclaim. This is my journey, my personal journey about loving and accepting me. Maybe it will inspire another girl like me, someone in need of knowing they are not alone. This is the story of how I became Fat Girl Slim....